Thursday, February 12, 2015

Coming

In the past month it has become increasingly difficult for me to have an orgasm, and I don't know why. As someone who has historically had a remarkably easy time coming, this is very troubling for me. Is there something about my sex life that has become progressively unfulfilling? Certainly not. David is the best lover I've ever had, and my weekend in Vegas with Andrew was full of mind-blowing sexual encounters. But, even with all of this great sex, I've only been able to reach orgasm about 50% of the time. Masturbation has been equally as difficult, and adding a vibrator only increases the likelihood of an orgasm by a small amount. So what's happening? Is it my anti-depressant? Many anti-depressants are known to have a negative affect on arousal and the ability to reach orgasm, but Wellbutrin - the medication I'm taking - has actually been found to have the opposite effect. When I started taking the medication, my orgasms came even easier and were more intense than ever before. Besides, I've been taking this medication for over a year now and it's unlikely that it would have taken this long for this kind of side effect to develop. What, then?

One possibility is that I'm simply getting older. I'll be 38 soon, and while society still treats me like a young(ish), vivacious woman, the rules of biology still apply. Study after study has found that, as a woman ages, sexual function decreases. We don't get as aroused. We don't get as wet. We don't reach orgasm as often. These changes can start in a woman's late thirties, or sometimes even as early as their late twenties. This seems to conflict with the popular idea that women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, but that misunderstood legend could spur an entire article all on its own. Since about the age of 35 I have feared the effect aging may have on my sex life, but it still feels too soon for this to explain what's been happening (or not happening) lately. On to the next theory...

About a year ago, I was having a conversation with my friend Lee about my sexual partners that touched on this very subject. "I can't figure it out. All the sex I'm having is so good, but why do I come every time with Guy A and B, but hardly ever with Guy C? I don't even really like Guy A as a person, and don't have much in common with Guy B, but Guy C is just as amazing outside of the bedroom as he is inside of it."

"I think you may have just answered your own question," was his response. "Is it possible that the very reason you come so easily with Guy A and B is that you don't really like them that much? They pose no emotional threat. But Guy C could actually turn into something real, and that's probably still very scary to you after your last relationship. Your heart isn't ready to open itself up to that possibility again, and it's affecting the way the rest of your body responds."

Fuck him for being so right on the money. I love that guy.

So, is that it? Is this still happening? Is my increasingly emotional and loving relationship with David slowly killing my sexual enjoyment? Isn't this the exact opposite of how women's sex drive's are supposed to work?

Fuck, I need therapy. Big time.
And no, I'm probably still not going to go get it.

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